Change is a natural and perfectly acceptable phenomenon. And yet, for some unfathomable reason, evolution has not equipped us with the disposition to easily and elegantly deal with change. For something so unavoidable and omnipresent, we seem to expend a lot of energy on keeping things as unchanged as possible. Why? Because we can’t deal with it. In the face of change we turn into a sack of crying kittens heading towards an uncertain future. It often seems to me that we’d much rather be comfortable than happy. Though it is true that with change things may get worse than they already are, but they can also get much better. In many cases I think that’s a risk worth taking.

PS: Milktoothrain.blogspot

Ultimately, what resides at the heart of any life crisis is the sudden and painful awareness that our time on earth is numbered. Whether it’s the first signs of grayness or balding, marriage, the death of your parents or even the death of one of your favorite public figures, you won’t be able to hide from the reality that you’re aging. In effect, every second begins to count much more than it ever did before. You start to ask yourself, is this the job I want to be doing for the rest of my life? Is this the partner for me? In his book Motivation and Personality, the famed psychologist Abraham Maslow suggests that once all our basic needs like food and shelter are met we begin to long for higher needs such as love and self-actualization. The existential confusion one feels at times of crisis are deeply tied to whether we have achieved or failed to achieve these higher needs. According to Maslow, “Discontent and restlessness will soon develop, unless the individual is doing what he is fitted for. A musician must make music, an artist must paint and a poet must write if he is to be ultimately with himself. What a man can be, he must be.” But of course, the choices of what a man can be in our society stretches before us like a star-spotted night sky. The options are as limitless as your potential. And so, considering the fact that we are all going to die eventually, what can we do now to make our life more meaningful? How can we lessen the inherent limitations of living in a mortal body? For one thing, remember to never deny your mortality. You can get all the plastic surgery you want and do nothing but read vampire novels all day, but don’t do it to escape the truth. This will only hurt you in the end. With every fork in the road think of your inevitable death and consider the importance of any decision in light of that fact. An awareness of our mortality can be an incredible tool to help us judge what is and what isn’t important in life. Face your fate and wake up every day wholly focused on what you can do today to enrich your life. Having said that I would like to share with you the best piece of advice I have ever received: Set a goal for yourself – write it down and stick it to your bathroom mirror so that you can contemplate it while you brush your teeth in the morning. Read it over and think of something you can do today that will bring you closer to achieving our goal. It can be as simple as writing a paragraph for that novel you’ve always planned to write. As long as you’re doing something that’s all that matters. I can’t overemphasize the importance of actions over thoughts. Thoughts are powerful only in that they inspire our actions. Whenever you can, try to turn your passive thoughts into actions. Do you like to watch Dancing with the Stars, Runway Challenge or Sunday night football? Go out there and take some creative lessons, or go out and play a game of football. Just taking this small step can have a profound effect on your life.

PC: Jacquelinge Rivera on Flickr

Growing up, many of us held the belief that life was only going to become more simple with time. Somehow we expected that our personal insecurities, and our fears about the future were going to be left behind with our childhood selves. One of the greatest surprises of quarter life is that this is not the case, and that many of our childhood inhibitions follow us not only into adulthood, but throughout our entire lives. This has the unfortunate consequence of stunting our psychological growth. Have you ever entertained the thought that, although technically speaking you are a grown-up, deep inside you still feel like a kid? Its either a sign that you haven't adequately delt with those inhibitions...or else this is what being an adult is always going to feel like. I've only been here for a few years. For me, it's still too early to tell.

When I turned 25 an interesting thing happened to my perception of the world. Up until that point the people around me were neatly divided into groups: you had the children, the teenagers, the pre-adults, the adults and then the elderly. But this quickly changed. All of a sudden everywhere I looked I saw nothing but children. Some bigger, some smaller, some younger, some older, but in the end they were all the same young souls stuck in their "pretend" adult bodies. It was a revelation that our internal reality has nothing to do with what is going on outside. This was a hard pill to swallow. One may feel unready for the wrinkles and responsibilites of adulthood, but time does not move according to our needs. It moves simply. It moves always, whether we're ready or not.

I don't know why everyone makes such a fuss about puberty. Puberty was a joke compared to this. The melodrama, the angst and the acne were nothing compared to my transition from young-adult, to I-can't-deny-it-any-longer adult. Don't get me wrong, my early years had their problems, but those problems were shared among my school friends and teachers. We were a team. Or else, at the very least, we were a community all united in our pursuit of love and education. Then we graduated and it's as if we were pushed off the side of a cliff and landed on the moon. You go from seeing your friends everyday at school, to seeing your friends all move away and move on with their lives. No more late-night conversations, no more last minute hang-outs, no more sharing the burden of this complicated thing called life. All of a sudden, you go from daily pursuing something that interests you, whether it was literature, philosophy or politics, to the drudgery of real life. Gone are the secret-deep-down dreams of one day achieving something extraordinary. Your loneliness and low-paying job prevent you from dreaming big. All of a sudden your friends are you co-workers, that is, if you are lucky enough to have anything beyond geographical space in common. Yes my fellow quarter-lifers, becoming an adult is among the most difficult periods of life. It was with a leaden heart that I realized that this was it. This was really and truly it. Without drastic measures I would never again have what I had as a student: the daily dose of friendship and laughter that made life that much more worth while. So I hit the internet, determined to meetup.com and craigslist.com myself a new social life. I made the effort. I went on friend-dates and sat sipping coffee and making small talk with total strangers trying to find that spark of familiarity. Things always went smoothly but left me unsatisfied. After a number of such experiences I began to wonder what it is that makes meaningful friendship so difficult in adulthood. I realized that the spark of familiarity can only come with time, and time is something we no longer have as adults. Our younger selves shared precious time with our friends every day in and around school activities. We had time to grow together and develop the kind of friendship that can only exist between people who know each other on a deeper more fundamental level. Sadly, I've come to realize that there is no remedy. One must either sink or swim; either fall into despair or adapt to this new and unfamiliar reality.

As she sat waiting for the intercity train, playing with her golden blonde hair, her mind raced with thoughts: “why did he have to do it today – why me – what about all of the beautiful moments – how could he be so heartless – I need him most right now!” As she sobbed relentlessly, bystanders glanced her way, feeling uneasy at her exposure of gloom. Her sunglasses covered her eyes but did not disguise the stream of tears pouring down her glistening cheeks. No one offered a tissue, no one even asked what was paining her; people chose to ignore rather than respond.

Just when she managed to pace a steady rhythm of breath, a man came up from the underground passage and lit up a cigarette. She quickly wiped her tears and with forced composure asked for a spare smoke, her almond skin glistening from the station lights. Agreeably, the man approached her bench with a charming smile and began to search through his backpack, all the while entertaining her with casual jokes.

As she laughed, it began to dawn on her; she was now free to talk to any man she wished and no longer had to adhere to the unwritten but constricting rules of her, what now was, ex-relationship.

The two newly found companions boarded the train, giggling as they exchanged fresh glances and gestures. How? Brought together by a cigarette and the rest is history. With every experience that draws to conclusion, a new adventure begins to surface.

This account was written based on real observation.

What was the point of all that? I’m not going anywhere. My life is nothing like I had expected. Throughout our interviews, we’ve found quarter-life sufferers rife with exactly such sentiments. In this situation your thoughts are like black flies that swarm around you blurring your vision, biting at your heart to entice despair. But despair not! We’ve been there, it sucks, but you can and will get through it. In your darkest moments, when you feel disappointed with life and yourself, try to shift your thoughts from the emotional to the objective. Ask yourself coldly, how can I be at my most productive at this moment? There are so many things you can’t control in the gaping hole that is your quarter-life: Ask yourself, what can I control in my life right now? Think of yourself as a productive machine put on earth to make your dreams a reality. You were given a finite amount of energy to do this, so why waste it on something that will not bear the fruits of your dreams? Think about the things that make you happy, consider your goals. Then consider where you’re investing your precious energy. Are you in a relationship with a partner that keeps hurting you, but you hold on hoping s/he will change? Are you weighed down with guilt and regret over something you did in the past? Are you spending all your time trying to get into law school when you know deep down you want to be a teacher? The point is not to waste your energy on thoughts and actions that, in the end, won’t help you create something concrete and positive. In everything you do ask yourself, “How will this bring me closer to my life goal?” and “How will this make me a happier person?” If the answer comes in the form of a dark cloud over your head, it’s not worth pursuing. In life there are many difficult choices we simply didn’t have to make as children. Nothing comes easily, especially not ultimate happiness. But if you are in a relationship, or on a path that is not making you happy at this very moment, and in the immediate future, just stop. Move on. It may hurt you now, but within weeks you’ll find the dark clouds have lifted.

Can you admit when you’re wrong? Are you ok with being wrong?
Do you need constant positive reinforcement from those around you?
Do you feel the overwhelming need to define yourself as an individual when you’re with others?
Do you have commitment troubles?
Are you often critical of others?
Do you feel the need to demonstrate your self-proclaimed expertise in a given subject whenever it casually comes up in conversation?
Do you give up easily?
Do you feel you fail more often than you succeed?
Do you often compare yourself to others?

If you've answered yes to some, or most of these questions you may be your own worst enemy. Whether you realize it or not, your low self-esteem may be ruining your life.

Low sense of self worth is a silent killer: its grip around your neck steadily tightens with every passing year eventually devastating your life. It was there, silently whispering in your ear when in college you dated someone you knew you weren’t happy with. It was there when you forfeited spending time with your family and friends in order to climb the corporate ladder, or gave up on the possibility of forming real, long-lasting friendships by showing off instead of showing them who you really are. And all this just so you could prove why, despite what you really believe, you are worthy of respect. You may not realize it, but everything you’ve done in your life is, in some way, a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Though you may think it’s not as bad as all that, you should think again. The road ahead is still a long one my dear quarter-lifer. Low self esteem amounts to a self-fulfilled prophecy; you will fail to achieve your greatest potential and goals not because you are incapable of doing so, but because you perceive yourself incapable. Some of the most successful people in the world have found their goals through relentless perseverance. These people have chosen not to give up despite almost guaranteed failure. What about you? Do you find that you give up easily? That may be your low self-esteem ruining your chances of achieving your dreams. Low self esteem affects all facets of your life in multi-splendored ferocity. Who you fall in love with, how satisfied you are with your job, whether you like your friends, all this and more. So just stop. No, seriously. Studies show that simply becoming aware of a problem can effectively disarm it. Just pay attention to your own negative thoughts and realize how unfounded they really are. You are the author of your life, and as such, inherently its lead character. Stop comparing yourself to the supporting actors, and stop being so hard on yourself.

For the first time in your life you find yourself on the doorstep of what your parents called “the real world”. You’ve always had your ideas about what to expect from this alternate reality and you’ve planned your life accordingly. You’ve dragged yourself through majors, double majors, internships, fellowships, apprenticeships and the deep dark depths of your bank account to get to this very moment. And now that you’re finally here, it fucking sucks. If you were lucky enough to find a job, you’ve likely found it about as interesting as shoveling shit can get. You’ve spent the vast majority of your life being a mediocre student, and now that school has faded into the shadows you may feel like life has come to an abrupt halt. You’ve reached a dead-end with your hands tied and you dreams mocking you from their dusty corner under the bed. Well, guess what? You’re knee deep in your quarter-life crisis baby. Now, unless you've lost your mind in the process, you probably want to do something about this. I suggest enlightenment. According to Buddhist teaching, the first step is to vanquish your attachment to all the material things that have kept you comfortable all these years. Well, as far as your quarter-aged ass is concerned, the world as you knew it has vanished right from under your feet. You’re already way past the first step. Next comes meditation. But if you, like most people, can’t find the time or discipline to do this simply practice remaining silent. Resist the urge to speak unless spoken to, and just listen and observe the outside world. The thing your probably didn't expect is that the moment you stop crying about how much your life sucks, and start listening to what life actually has to say, you'll find opportunity knocking on every corner. You're simply to busy listening to your worried thoughts to realize what's really out there. The next, truly horrifying, step is to stop comparing yourself to others. Here is the heart and soul of your quarter-life crisis: the reason you suffer is because you perceive a lack in your life and the reason you perceive this lack is because you fail to perceive it in others. We all know people who have succeeded in eluding their quarter-life crisis only to thrive in the most enviable way. The mistake many people make is to view these success stories as models of what quarter-life should be like instead of the shining exceptions they really are. If all narrative had the same basic plot, there would be no point of telling the story.