The brain is like a computer in more ways than we realize. Encoded in that small lump of matter is a computing mechanism that works to automatically generate information in the split second it takes for you to have a thought. We are programmed to look for evidence that supports the things we already hold to be true. And as a result, if on a deeper level you have come to the decision that you are a loser, your mind will gather evidence in support of that assertion. Eventually it will become a habit and your subconscious mind will lock into an auto-pilot state that continues to search for more and more reasons to believe that you are not a likable person. This problem gets worse when you start to ask your brain the wrong question. Since the mind’s job is to come up with an answer and it’s processes for arriving at that answer are heavily tainted by your biases, the answer is not always helpful to your sense of well-being. For this reason it is vitally important that you get into the habit of asking yourself the right questions. By asking, “What is it about me that repels people?” or “Why am I so unhappy?” you are only inviting the kind of answer that will reaffirm what you’ve already decided is true: that you aren’t likable, that you’re cursed with bad luck, that you’ll never find happiness. Instead you should be asking yourself, “What about the people that do like me?” and “What is the evidence against my bad theories about myself?” as well as, “What can I do today that will make me happy?” Force yourself out of the negative self-affirming habit by actively seeking evidence against the negative things you hold to be true. The powerful thing here is that by changing your questions you can change who you become. If you see someone who has more happy or successful than you the first thing you should do is ask yourself how you can model your behavior on his or hers. Find out how they think, and what kind of questions they ask themselves. When faced with another’s success, in the shadow of our own failures, a lot of us find ourselves giving in to despair. The thought, “Oh I could never do that,” flashes through our minds. We are riddled with self doubt unable to overcome the burden that is our apparent inexperience. But consider for a moment that every successful business man, doctor, lawyer, singer, writer, what have you, was once inexperienced. Even the greatest minds of all time made mistakes and had they not asked themselves the right questions and sought evidence for the right self theories they would have never attained the level of success they have today.